Aiden, whose name has been changed to protect his identity, spent his childhood being moved from foster home to foster home. At 18, he aged out of the system, still in high school and with nowhere to go. Luckily, his school social worker referred him to Starting Right, Now, a nonprofit providing stable housing and wrap-around support for unaccompanied homeless youth, which I founded 18 years ago and still lead as CEO.
One day, noticing he didn’t have fall clothes, I gave him a hoodie with our emblem on it and then we took him to choose his own wardrobe for the season.
He was awed, and shared why: a dozen times throughout his childhood, in the middle of the night, caseworkers packed his belongings into a trash bag and moved him to a new placement.
“When you spend your life having no choice,” he told me, “and all your things are moved around like trash — you begin to believe you are trash.”
Aiden’s insight made clear what I witness too often: youth who lose their homes are stripped of something even more vital — their agency. These experiences are not isolated; they are systemic.
Prior to finding their way to this organization, many unaccompanied homeless youth have had contact with the foster care system. To maintain what agency they can, they endure unsafe or unlivable situations until they reach their breaking point. When they finally leave on their own, they survive by couch-hopping, staying with friends or engaging in survival sex work — experiences compounding the trauma they have already endured.
Once youth enter child welfare or homelessness programs, decisions are typically made for them, not with them. The system shuffles youth from placement to placement, governed by rigid rules and arbitrary age cutoffs that erases control over their lives — not from ill will, but because the system is overwhelmed and under-resourced.
Efficiency and compliance take precedence over personalization, which is a symptom of a system stretched beyond capacity. While this helps manage impossible caseloads, it can unintentionally limit youth participation in decisions regarding their own lives. It is tragically ironic that the very programs meant to be safe havens can feel intimidating and alienating, leaving youth distrustful and hesitant to seek help. For unaccompanied youth this loss of voice is absolute.
The consequences are profound. Youth disengage or run from services, internalizing the sense of worthlessness Aiden described so vividly. Research shows that when youth lack input in decisions about their lives, they are less likely to feel supported or engaged in programs, and their overall transition outcomes can suffer. One study of youth with foster care experience found participation in care planning improves self-concept, self-advocacy and relationships with adults, and is linked to higher academic achievement, reductions in substance use and greater civic engagement.
When youth have both stability and a say in their path forward, they thrive. We don’t just stabilize housing, we return decision-making power. Starting Right, Now’s services are voluntary — eligible youth decide for themselves to participate (with parental consent for minors). Our help is elective, not imposed.
Taking Aiden to shop for his own fall clothes was a simple act to help him regain a sense of self after years of feeling like just another case number. When youth successfully make small but meaningful decisions, they begin to believe they can lead themselves in bigger ones like school, relationships or careers. Larger decisions shape futures. After completing a welding program, Aiden chose to join the military. His path. His future.
Child welfare is complex. Statutory requirements, liability concerns and restricted funding make granting youth full control impossible. In my own household, I certainly did not give my children absolute autonomy. But that’s precisely why every opportunity for youth to use their voice is vital.
At its core, the loss of agency is the loss of identity. When systems erase individuality in the name of efficiency, they strip youth of the very sense of self they need to heal and grow. When youth are empowered to participate in their own path, they no longer feel like cases to be managed. They become adults in the making.
