This piece is published in partnership with Foster Advocates.
It’s ok to trust people, but don’t trust everybody. Sometimes trusting people won’t end the way you want.
When I was about 9, I went to school with a bruise, and my teacher asked what happened. I went to another room and talked to a woman in a suit. I told her what was going on. She said she would protect my family. I watched them chase my mom down and take every kid. My granny took me in. I wish I’d gone into foster care. After my grandma passed away from cancer, I fell into the streets. I couldn’t stay with my mom because she is mentally ill. I really feel bad for her, honestly.
With my granny gone, I was homeless. I called the only father figure I looked up to, my grand dad. He basically said, “I never loved you. It was all a show. Grandma loved you so much it made it seem like I loved you.”
I was 17 when he said, “I don’t know where you’ll stay. But you can’t come here.”
I lost both my heroes that day. They raised me and were my foster parents, protectors, and family. My grand dad took my granny’s cars and everything, but left her kids, nieces, and nephews. So I had no guardians. I’ve watched people I love die. Nothing tops this, not even close.
Slowly, I was turning into a monster. Everybody knows the symptoms but still can’t see them. You either live long enough to become a hero, or you die a monster. Either way, you will forever have two versions of you: the real you and the you that the world helped create. It’s your body protecting yourself. Your fight-or-flight is up 24/7. You got a suit of armor on and can’t be touched, even by the people you love as well.
There are families making thousands off of kids and abusing some kids. There are kids going to school, being around friends, and coming back home to no family. I just knew to smile. Stuff couldn’t get worse. Then, they came and took the rest of my brothers. Can you imagine the system taking your brothers, then sisters, and then cousins?
My biggest motivation — the reason I became what I became — was a woman who worked for the system. She was a school social worker named Ms. V. I never forgot her name. Ms. Alisa, a school therapist, also helped me. Before my biggest downfall, they prepared me — or tried to. They tried to get me to understand I would never be the same at 19. I told my school therapist what was going on. She’s a mandated reporter. I was diagnosed with the worst form of PTSD. Last time we talked, Ms. Alisa said she’s sorry, and that the system failed me.
I got put in a mental hospital for PTSD. When I was told about PTSD, I thought it was a game, or that that couldn’t be possible. But because of that and not having any guardians, the system had control of my whole life until I was 21. I wish I’d gone into foster care and just accepted the help instead of being an undocumented Foster. You don’t get a family. You get a network of people controlling your life because you don’t have any guardians. I didn’t even know I was a foster kid until last year. Just accept the help. If you don’t accept the help, there’s a high chance you’ll end up like me.
I learned too late. Don’t be like me — knowledge is power. Make something of yourself. My story could be the very reason some of you end up going to college. Most people who accepted and used the help went to families. Some got out of poverty. Some average A’s and B’s and go to college.
I just want y’all to think about how they treat their foster kids. I want y’all to think about how to be more focused on Fosters’ futures and how to make sure they have resources to get to the next step or level. After care, if not brought up right, they will go back to what they were taught or what was in their environment.
I might not make it to see 30. I never got the support or the family. I became what I am through the streets, social workers, doctors, therapists, community, and teachers. I would never have done the stuff I did if I didn’t trust people. Let my story be an example of why trusting people to support you can take you far.
