Foster care is one of the most life-changing experiences a young person can go through. My personal experience spanned many years, and I made the best of it. Foster care was created to ensure the safety of at-risk youth. However, in some cases, this can be untrue. Growing up, I lived with my mother. She has raised me for as long as I can remember. We didn’t have much; we were neither rich nor poor. We lived a rather comfortable middle-class life. My mother has always owned her own apartment and car, which she later lost. I suppose we were not always the lucky ones.
At just the young age of 9, my siblings and I were taken from our mother due to an ongoing case and investigation we had no idea about. Entering an ACS building for the first time and not knowing where I was, who these people were, or what they had in mind for me was scary. I had to eventually overcome my fear, let alone other obstacles in my life that I would not be prepared for.
I started in a foster home along with my other siblings. We lived with an older lady who was very kind. She had children of her own and was raised by both parents. As time went by, everything was going smoothly until my siblings and I were separated. I was then transferred to another foster home with a different older lady who was a very nice woman as well and had a loving family. I lived with her from 10 to 13 before being returned to my mother’s custody. For three years, until shortly after my 16th birthday, I was remanded by NYPD detectives under false accusations and remanded due to court appearance warrants. After being arrested, I was then remanded to youth intake in Brooklyn. I stayed in detention for two months and was then released.
Due to my mother’s inability to communicate when she could pick me up from the crossroads, I was then released into the care of The Children’s Center in NYC where I resided for around six months. I was allowed to leave and go into “independent living.” After being interviewed for entry, I moved in a month later to the Green House in the Bronx. I got my first job and learned a lot of valuable life skills that would later help me out in life. I was able to celebrate my 17th birthday in my group home. They even paid for a cake and decorations.
A few months passed, and I eventually became well-acquainted with everyone as this was a new program in itself. In this program, I also faced many dilemmas, such as dealing with other youth, adapting to my environment, and finishing school. It was here that I would encounter my close friend and many issues I would not expect. Over time, I would find clothes, shoes, money or even other personal items stolen. It was a mess and hard to control. I’ve gotten into many fights along the way, and I learned a lot.
Even though I encountered some issues in the program, it was beginning to feel like a fresh start for me outside of my rough background from living with my mother in Queens. While living with my mother in Queens, we had it pretty rough. We moved to the city from Albany and transitioned through various shelters and programs. I believe my mother’s first stable apartment was in the Bronx, and once we got evicted, I have only seen shelters and programs up until aging out of care. While living in the Bronx, I was given monthly and weekly funds for personal clothing, hygiene and recreational purposes. This allowed me to learn to become more flexible with money and be mindful of my spending. I saw this as a huge upgrade from living with my mother who couldn’t afford to do so because she wasn’t working, on food stamps, and taking care of three kids. Having my own money like this gave me a sense of how to manage it better.
I still have to give my mother her flowers. She was always there for me when she could and always took care of us as much as possible. She was the definition of a provider. Even if we had nothing, she gave us something. While living in the Bronx program, my mother gave me an advance of $1400 in cash. This allowed me to go shopping, buy food for the week, and treat myself and my girlfriend at the time to dinners, cab rides, or other activities.
I stayed in this program for two years until the age of 19. I was then discharged, given a grant, and sent on my way to my new supportive housing in Manhattan. I stayed there for almost a year until I was discharged again for getting into a heated dispute with my neighbor. I was sent back to the Bronx program I came from. While in the Bronx, I basically did another two-year tour in the same program I just left, but this time, there were different youth and it was somehow even worse than before. It was a God-given blessing and curse to come back. I am thankful I was not left abandoned on the streets. Some people out there don’t have the same opportunity as me, and for that, I thank God and my community. My experience opened my eyes for real.
My community, alumni, peers, and role models all helped me open my eyes and stay grounded enough to continue to be a productive member of society and not a simple statistic on a chart. My mentors, staff, and other higher-ups gave me access to gain my documents, my driver’s license, my first job, as well as many other programs to gain skills to become a leader and a natural positive example. Hopefully, other people can execute similar steps in their lives to become financially and physically free. I was always the person to take advantage of opportunities. These opportunities are why I was able to get access to resources, gain my documents by the age of 18 to live my life as a free man, and gain trades and certifications I can use in life. Being a person who overcame foster care can be very detrimental to what you do with your time. In my case, I’ve had a lot of fun along the way and made a lot of friends more so than enemies. I’ve worked, played, laughed, and cried. I never pass up on a good opportunity to have fun or better myself. I have watched many people let time fly by and watch them sit and think what they were doing was right when they have been unproductive and disruptive overall. There have been many people who wasted their lives outside of me, and I’ve watched this happen many times and in different scenarios.
In conclusion, foster care is very life-changing, and if I haven’t proven that, one of my alumni surely can. You have to just make the best out of what you can. I didn’t have much, but I made the best out of my situation. If I can do it, so can everyone else who’s willing to give themselves a chance to do great in life. I personally did not have it easy, but my experience was not all that bad once I got used to being in care and understood how to take advantage. I was able to get my own apartment after the process and I’ve learned what it was like to be in care.
