Youth Voice Writing Contest 2021 — Finalist, Poetry
Tightness in my chest
These breaths are getting harder and harder
I feel it so I know I’m alive
But it feels like I am dying inside
Like you know when you’re so shook
Everything goes silent
I feel every thing yet
I cannot hear, I cannot speak, cannot be
This was how it felt
When he took advantage of me
The first thoughts in my head
Were how did this happen
It even took me by surprise
Because he was suppose to be my father figure, a role model in my eyes
This topic I swear doesn’t get talked about enough, in this world and day and age
You can’t give anybody your trust
But I don’t even know how it came to be
He was my foster father and it shocked the shit out of me
I cried but only on the inside
I couldn’t figure out if I was living or only alive
It felt like I was watching a horrid scene through my eyes but had no control over my being
Many thoughts raced back and forth
Meanwhile I stopped breathing
For some reason I felt like a deer in headlights
Just about felt like he was taking my life
The respect I had for him vanished
In time it was replaced with disgust
I didn’t wanna show weakness because in that moment I was afraid
If I reacted too drastically I may have ended up in a grave
Because I truly didn’t know what he was capable of
I never saw these intentions
So now, my trust is fucked up
He was a good Christian man as he would say
A saint in the eyes of the state
And I played my part for years as the dependent who was just tryna get through school
I depended on this man financially and emotionally just as any daughter would
Years passed and he gained my trust and love
But the day he took advantage me
I lost a part of me
Being in foster care, these things hit a little harder, all I ever wanted was to have a father
Daddy issues, you don’t even know the half of it
To say I honestly don’t want a man in my daughter’s life, you know I done been through some
shit and been cut a couple times
No one believed me so I left the family
And all the shit they ever done for me
I took my dignity and I walked away knowing that karma will take them to the grave
Almost everything was ripped away all at once
So I suppose you can say he made me tough.
