Growing up poor and not entitled to anything when I lived with my family was hard, but it wasn’t lonely or sad. I wasn’t truly introduced to sadness or abandonment until I reached the foster care system. There, I matured at a young age due to the experience I endured and the necessity to survive as a foster youth in New York City.
Like most youth, I was taken into custody and placed into foster care at 4 years old. I remember jumping home to home numerous times in my life and being separated from my siblings. From ages 7 to 16, my experiences in those homes weren’t always bad, but there were times when I wished I was home. Even though home wasn’t the best, at least I had companionship, and my voice was actually heard.
During the time that I was living with my mother and siblings, certain things were rough. For example, I lived in a cramped household with seven siblings in a two-bedroom apartment. My father and my siblings’ father weren’t around to support and help my mother. I loved my mother. She did the best she could at a young age. She was an unemployed and uneducated mother of seven kids who was finding herself while she was conceiving children with barely any family support other than her father, which was fickle at times. We missed out on materialistic items and clear necessities like clothes, toothbrushes, shoes and more. From what I could remember, living conditions were hard, but we were a family, bonded, perhaps, by trauma we shared together. We shared numerous moments of empathy with our mother, which actually just bonded us with her and made us want to protect our mother.
My siblings’ mother and I shared a deep connection, even though me and my siblings were taken from my mother at a young age due to the case that ACS had on my mother’s childcare. The accusations were neglect of children, verbal and physical abuse, child endangerment and exposure to possible drugs. In my recollection, I don’t remember being abused physically or verbally, but I do remember certain times that she couldn’t watch me or any of my other siblings who were young themselves. So, in hindsight, I could say all the accusations weren’t just lies or stories being told to discredit my mother.
Child welfare in the New York foster system is literally the worst. From the time when I first arrived in care, I always felt like I didn’t belong. Now that I’m older, I understand that then, I wanted companionship and to be heard. I was neglected multiple times in those areas when it came to the actual welfare of me. Companionship and a voice are basic necessities for any normal kid or any adult regardless of age. The system ignored these necessities time and time again. Many times in my life, I was deprived of a normal childhood. Moving from foster home to foster home was one of the worst things I experienced while I lived in care. I was told by adults and social workers many times that I was moving because of my behavior, when in fact it wasn’t. I was just misunderstood. I had no companions or an adult I could talk to about my actual issues.
The instability of jumping home to home while I was in care did not benefit me. If anything, it became a problem. With no stability, I could actually never get truly comfortable with anything once I moved into new surroundings, with new people, with a new school, with new parents, and with a new story to tell. It was always overwhelming on my first days of school. I didn’t want to relax and enjoy anything because with foster care instability, who knows what comes next? Every person I recently met could turn into strangers, and the room I have now could be somebody else’s the next day, all due to the results of somebody’s actions or feelings of not wanting me to be there that I can’t control. I started to hate to feel comfortable when I was comfortable. The instability and the loneliness I felt within the system will change a kid’s mindset, perspective, and goals.
I have some solutions in mind that could help fix multiple issues including the instability. My solution to the instability is a kinship program. Take more time and drive to find kinfolk or family to place into temporary care and help them support the child’s welfare. Another solution for a problem like loneliness is to supervise caseworkers who do home trips to verify the child’s mental welfare instead of just physical and material needs. There’s multiple times I wish I had someone else to talk to other than my caseworker who didn’t really ask me any questions or listen to me. Solutions like these will prevent situations such as neglect to children stemming from some adults not being able to connect with the child or not wanting to connect because of their relationship. Some problems could be prevented and solved so that kids don’t have a repeated cycle of the same experiences as me and other foster children.
