I’m always called respectful, sweet, kind, shy, quiet, loud, outgoing, and childish. It’s because I grew up in a system that shaped me and forced me into a shape that was barely comfortable. Home never felt like home until I turned 18, left the group home I was in and moved into my own place. Now, at 19, life still makes me feel a little dizzy from bills piled high and threats from landlords, both saying I need to pay. Disability makes me writhe in pain and beg for it to stop. I can’t work, not even part time. I get a small amount from the government. I get food stamps, but that’s barely enough to eat. Every month, food is short, and medicine is even shorter.
I was in the system from the age of 11 to 18. Most of my PTSD comes from the homes, hospitals, and very long waits alone, hoping someone will hear my plea for help. I’m still begging for this system to help me to this day, even if it’s the same system that failed me in the first place. I have been medically unwell since I was young. I almost died at 4 because of Type 1 diabetes. I almost died because people didn’t want to give me my medication and didn’t want to feed me a proper meal. I’ve had to learn every step of adulthood, every step in my medical journey, and every step of trying to change the bandages that hold the trauma together so it doesn’t flood over.
As a survivor, as a person who has lived through near death,
as a person who has lived through a system that called me a broken, useless thing,
as a person who lives through a mental and physical war every day,
I see you.
The system needs change. The system needs to help the kids who have broken parts that don’t come with clear instructions. I believe the system needs more rules on life-saving medications and more rules on how staff and managers handle it. The system needs to give the people in the system and transitioning out of the system more resources and more things that they can hold onto so they are not letting people drown in their own problems. The system needs to stop dumping people out without clear things to hold that will keep them stable, so they can thrive, bloom, and live the life they want to live.
Every kid is different and has a past. Every kid is someone that should be loved and cherished like every other human, even if they don’t have people who love them or don’t have people coming back for them. Everyone has the right to walk into adulthood confident that they’re going to thrive and bloom in the best way possible and not fall apart the second they move or transition into adulthood.
