This piece is published in partnership with Foster Advocates.
Is the foster care system set up to prey on families or support families? I could lean one way, but I’ll leave that up for you to decide. Before foster care, my family had issues — an abusive father whom my mom separated from to protect her children. I remember a brief time of my life was spent in Anna Marie’s shelter while my mom’s case was ironically named Ana Martel after a social worker involved in the case. Mrs. Martel was a stern woman who often verbally attacked my mom, weakening her as not only a woman but a mother to the kids she shared with my dad. My grandmother purchased a home for my mom shortly after, but that never stopped my father from terrorizing her and us.
I would soon find myself back in foster care around the age of 8 for reasons of safety concerns and the lack of support my mom had when taking care of six children as a single young mother. We saw and experienced much of foster care growing up. Truancy is what led me into long-term foster care.
When I was about 11, Ana somehow became the main social worker over our case. I can still recall my first foster home where I was mentally abused and sexualized by my foster dad. I felt the streets would be safer than the home my social worker chose. During this time, I fell pregnant at 13. The things I endured at a young age made me numb to the trauma that was yet to come. I gave birth to my beautiful son in 2012 and was forced to go back to a treatment facility to graduate from school, even though I didn’t engage in drug use or had any reason to be there.
I parented my son for three years while being a ward of the state. Ana would soon come and disown my ability of being a young mother. Feeling like I was on the road to providing a life I feared of giving my son, I ran again. I made the choice to place my son with his father instead. I fell pregnant with my second son and gave birth in 2015. I was never given a chance to parent my beautiful boy. After all the abuse, I ultimately found my way to becoming aged out of the system. After aging out, I was homeless and forced into addiction from the trauma and agony I faced throughout the years in foster care.
This year, I am proud to voice my accomplishments, starting with graduating with honors from Anoka Technical College with my behavioral health and human services degree. I am a single parent to a beautiful 6-year-old little girl! I am set to start my LPN program in January. Caregiving is something I have been passionate about since I was a young girl. I am in regular contact with my son’s adoption social worker, who, in fact, put me in contact with Foster Advocates who have been a tremendous influence on my growth and healing. I am optimistic about my future and breaking the cycle of generational trauma.
