Trying to pinpoint just one or even two factors that have most informed my present outlook on life is challenging considering the plethora of different people, experiences and opportunities that have molded me into the woman I am today. I could start with my childhood, and discuss how growing up with an absent and sporadic father addicted to methamphetamine has shaped me to be in a constant state of alert. I could also talk about how being raised primarily by a single mother with chronic depression and an addiction to prescription painkillers produced a completely self-sufficient and detached teenager. But the one experience that has completely reshaped my identity, my attitudes, my beliefs and my perspective is the one that tore my heart from the inside out.
Three months before my seventeenth birthday, my life changed permanently when I came home one morning to find my mother deceased in her bedroom due to undiagnosed cardiomyopathy. I became a foster youth as my oldest sister, only 21 at the time, became the legal guardian and primary caretaker of me and my two siblings. With my father in prison, I finished high school with the determination to make it to college. After transitioning to UCLA, I spent the next four years navigating this new way of life, community and purpose that sometimes felt like a dream. My entire outlook on the world and myself shifted towards a newfound dedication to serving the most vulnerable communities affected by the child welfare system.
Experiencing firsthand the detrimental impacts of depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder, I found comfort, support and community on campus within the Bruin Guardian Scholars Program (BGS), a program designed to support the needs of current and former foster youth. While at BGS, I met countless other youth with stories and experiences similar to mine and found a community that understood, embraced and uplifted me. I joined the leadership board for BGS my freshman year with the desire to become involved in the decisions that impact foster youth on campus. Attending weekly meetings and bi-weekly events, I played an integral role in deciding where funds went, what resources were provided, and what events were held for youth.
I turned to BGS when I felt isolated and constantly exhausted from persistent PTSD attacks. I was not receiving adequate care from the psychological services offered by UCLA and felt it was affecting my ability to excel in school, my relationships, and my overall well-being. BGS immediately got me approved for therapy on campus at the Ties for Families program, a program that specializes in care for children and families affected by the child welfare system. This showed me the significance that suitable mental health resources have on vulnerable communities with extensive trauma.
During my sophomore year, I served as a youth counselor for the Bruin Guardian Scholars Summer Academy where I got to work with current foster youth in the system as they were entering their senior year of high school. I worked closely with students in preparation for their upcoming SAT exams, college essays and senior-year classes through rigorous daily seminars, classes and workshops over the course of five weeks. Perhaps the most rewarding part of this experience was the connection I was able to make with students once I opened up and shared my story as a former youth. It made the students feel more comfortable and allowed them to relinquish their barriers and to trust in me.
Through this experience, I realized the critical importance of mentorship in the lives of not only foster youth but all marginalized communities. These experiences have shown me that a deeper emphasis needs to be placed on mental health resources and higher education for current and former foster youth, illustrating how pivotal it is for all youth to be supported in these areas where they are often neglected because of a lack of access and support. They have shown me the value of community and chosen family in creating systemic change. They have given me a new independence in fighting for myself while simultaneously fighting alongside my community and advocates. In June of 2020, I was a part of the less than 10% of former foster youth who are able to graduate college. As I walked across that stage, I held my chin high and my heart open, as I knew the importance my future holds as I continue fighting and paving a pathway for the other 97% to see the finish line.
