This article is published in partnership with Foster Advocates.
My academic life while in foster care was like a Rubik’s Cube — trying to connect all the right pieces and colors, but taking all the wrong twists and turns. I went into foster care around sixth grade. I didn’t know what foster care was or what was going to happen when I entered, leaving me very confused and scared. I was out of school for a few weeks when I first entered care because my social worker was looking for permanent placement. When I returned to school, I had to explain what was happening; some people understood and some didn’t. I finished that school year and eventually changed schools when I went to a new foster home. It was very exhausting and traumatizing having to re-explain why I wasn’t in school.
It was also a challenge concentrating on school when I was trying to figure out what life would be like moving forward. I didn’t know what was going on with my living situation, whether I was going to stay, or if I was going to go back home. The uncertainty of the situation gave me anxiety, so my focus wasn’t on school or graduating. I was in survival mode. I felt lonely, so I would avoid school. I was running away from shelters/foster homes because I didn’t want to be found. After being removed from my home, I felt like I didn’t belong. I didn’t have parents or a place to call home.
I also felt isolated and trapped. It was hard keeping friendships during school because I was always moving and could never really do anything due to the barriers of being a ward of the state. Simple things I wanted to do, like hanging with friends, were a long process and had to get approved by the judge. Due to the barriers, I preferred to be on the streets rather than deal with the state’s rules and regulations. One shelter rule I hated was no phones allowed. That was the only way I could communicate with others, and they took that away from me. I didn’t understand it, and I was very upset. I wanted to be free and be a teen for once! I already had my childhood taken from me, so I felt like I deserved this. The more I realized how trapped I felt, the more I changed my mindset. I told myself, “I’m going to graduate high school and beat the system.” I was tired of being controlled, and I needed to get out of it.
While I was homeless, I graduated high school in 2018 when I was 17 and decided to attend college immediately. At that time, the Fostering Independence Grants (FIG) didn’t exist, so I was solely attending through whatever financial aid the school gave me. I didn’t know what I wanted to study in college, but I had an idea. However, when I turned 18, I was kicked out of a shelter I was staying in as I waited to be moved into my apartment. This experience made me feel like I didn’t have any support or resources. I didn’t have any family I connected with after entering care. I was embarrassed to tell anyone or ask for help.
Even while homeless, I was still trying to go to college and make things work. I was hard on myself because not only did I want to succeed, but I also wanted to prove to the system that I would be successful and make something of myself. I felt like I was doing everything alone, which played a large role in why I dropped out of college. Eventually, I got approved for my apartment, moved in, and felt things were improving. After having my daughter, I learned about FIG and thought this was my second chance. I returned to school and attended Minneapolis College. This time, I was determined to finish! I researched, looked for resources, and found a support program called Beacons. After completing a year and a half of college, I finally found somewhere that I belonged and can go for support.
As I realized how messed up the system was, I grew a passion for advocacy, public speaking, and telling my story. Throughout the years, I have been a part of many different organizations like Connections to Independence, Tomorrow’s Leaders Today, Foster Advocates, Evolve, and others. I’ve been able to travel, speak on panels, and inspire other foster youth. As for my educational journey, I want to return to college to finish my associate degree & eventually get my bachelor’s degree. I plan to go into public speaking and youth advocacy. As someone who was in foster care while attending school, the one thing that kept me from giving up is not wanting to be a product of the system. I didn’t want the system to see me as a failure. So for anyone going through what I went through, you can beat the odds! Don’t give up. I know it’s hard. I know it’s exhausting, but you can do it.
